Beauty Necessity: Flash Tattoos

Thursday, November 13, 2014

So fashion is my first love, but I'm no idiot - a bad hair day or poor makeup job can fuck up even the most perfectly curated outfit.  Unfortunately, I'm far from a beauty junkie or expert.  My makeup trousseau consists of one pencil eyeliner, one liquid liner, two eyeshadows that I actually use (the rest collect dust), BB cream, concealer, powder, one blush compact, one mascara and a handful of lipsticks and lip glosses.  It literally all fits in one small container.  It is SO lame you guys, compared to the collections I know some other people have, but I buy the same 7 products over and over because it's what works for me.  I personally hate spending money and time experimenting with products so if I find something that works, I stick with it FOREVER (or until it gets discontinued and I have to search again, which always makes me mad).  I focus on only what I think is necessary, and leave the glitter eyeshadow experimenting up to the Michelle Phans of the world.  

For my first post on beauty necessities, I'm going to be absolutely ridiculous and put out there that FLASH TATTOOS are a necessity.  Not that you should wear them 24/7 but I've decided everyone should have them in their beauty arsenal.  I know I know - WTF am I saying?  Honestly, I would never have tried these but I was shopping with a friend and she convinced me to buy a pack, just for fun.  For $22 I was like ok, ok fine - I don't work in an office anymore, so why not?  Live a little.  There are no coworkers to judge me on a daily basis, just strangers who might see me on the street and be like "why is that bitch wearing children's stick on tattoos" but who cares because I don't know them and am not a mind reader.   

So I spent 5 minutes sticking these on as artfully as I could and I am now obsessed.  Then I went out in public and people (meaning adult, sane-looking women in my age group) kept stopping me to tell me they were in love, and where could they get them? I've decided they're like the right fuchsia lipstick - low investment resulting in high impact for those times where you just feel like switching things up.  Here is why flash tattoos are a must have for me:

1) They are more efficient than jewelry.  Ever since I had kids, my everyday jewelry has become my wedding ring and nothing else.  Actually, sometimes my wedding ring doesn't even make it, because I don't want to lose it or I just plain forget to put it on as I'm rushing myself and two unwilling girls out the door.  I just don't have time for that shit, and daily jewelry either gets broken, or lost, or in the way of what I'm doing.  Enter Flash Tattoos - they can stand alone as your everyday look, and also compliment the stuff you save only for special occasions. 
2) They are versatile.   Depending on which pack of flash tattoos you pick, you can achieve an everyday jewelry look without the hassle of actually wearing jewelry, or you can go all out and look like Cleopatra.  It's all in how you apply them.  
3) They are a cheap way to look sexy.  I don't care who you are or what you look like, there's nothing that's not sexy about little shiny tattoos on your body.  Even if all your Flash Tattoos are hidden because you work in an office full of right wing conservative old boring people (for example) your S/O (or potential S/Os if you're single) will love them.  Trust me.  
4) They are easy to put on and last longer than a manicure.  I truly suck at anything that requires artistic effort, and these require almost none.  You need a wet rag, and that's it.  Decide where you want your tattoos, trim them, and stick them on. They are idiot proof, and mine lasted about 5 days before I had to scrub them off in the shower (which took about 10 seconds). 
5) They are fun.  And at the end of the day, isn't that the point of life? If you look fun, then you attract fun, then you have fun.  You're welcome.

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